Jokes

Pinoy van gogh family
A relative who likes his Liquor	La Sing Gogh
In-law who is serving time in Muntinlupa	Vinny Lang Gogh
The dermatologist Cousin	Dr. Kuh Lou Gogh
The map specialist uncle	Ver Doo Ve Gogh
Vegetarian uncle	Mung Gogh
Auntie who is producer of violent films	Purudu Gogh
Cousin who works at Manila Zoo	Chong Gogh
The Van Gogh family favorite fish	Besug Gogh
Accident prone relative	Puro Bong Gogh
The sister who likes dancing in a bars	Ah Go Gogh
The cousin who moved to Illinois	Chicah Gogh
The niece who lives in Mexico	Amee Gogh
Favorite fruit of the Van Gogh Family	Mang Gogh
Latest addition to the family	Bah Gogh
Black sheep of the Van Gogh family	Tah Ran Tah Gogh

Mag Nanay
Anak:	'Nay, puede na ba akong magbra? 'Nay, kinse na po ako, puede na ba?
Ina:	Hoy! Joselito! tigilan mo nga ako!!!!

Naaalala mo pa ba ang panahon na....
1.	piso lang ang pamasahe (ngayo'y 3.00 na)
2.	ang babae lang ang may hikaw
3.	ang preso lang ang may tattoo
4.	kilala mo ang lahat ng miyembro ng Voltes V
5.	pinagtatawanan ang itim na rubbershoes at mahabang shorts
6.	pinalayas ng mga Pinoy ang mga Marcos (pero ngayo'y pinabalik uli sa puwesto)
7.	kala mo'y magkakatuluyan sina Ate Shena at Kuya Bodjie ng Batibot
8.	si Erap ay sa showbiz section lang ng dyaryo nababasa
9.	ang intindi mo ng LOL ay ULOL imbes na Laughing Out Loud
10.	FACES ang in na gimikan
11.	SM City ang pinakamagandang mall sa bansa
12.	piso lang ang isang basong taho
13.	at kailangan mong magdala ng sarili mong baso, kasi wala pang plastic cups noon si manong na magtataho
14.	tarzan, yoyo at tootsie roll ang pinag-gagastusan mo ng mga beintesinko mo
15.	trianggulo pa ang sunkist tetrapak (de hindi na tetrapak yon)
16.	nagkaka-kalyo ka dahil sa type writer pa ang ginagamit mo para sa mga school paper mo
17.	kaya uso na pa ang carbon paper at liguid paper
18.	at tancho gel ang pang-ayos mo ng buhok
19.	KLIM ang tinitimpla ng nanay mo para sa'yo para inumin mo bago matulog
20.	nanliligaw pa lamang si Brod Pete kay Shirley sa John and Marsha
21.	sa Ortigas Center ka tinuturuang magmaneho kasi puro talahib pa yon
22.	nakakapag-grocery ka na 100 piso lang ang dala
23.	anim na numero lang ang kailangan mong tandaan para tawagan ang kaibigan mo
24.	at hirap na hirap kang tumawag mula sa public phone kasi limang dyis ang kailangan mong hagilapin
25.	sosyal si pareng Mon kasi naka-cell phone siya, ngunit hanggang kotse lang yon, kasi mabigat bitbitin
26.	hinihingi mo yung computer cards ni daddy mula sa opisina niya para gumawang saranggola, para sa iyong school project
27.	pag-narinig mo ang Every Breath You Take, si Sting at si Sting lang ang pumapasok sa utak mo
28.	si Helen Vela ang naririnig mo pag-binuksan mo ang radyo mo sa OK 101
29.	dalawang piso lang ang songhits
30.	iniisip mong dapat mag-retire na si Jaworski, kasi kuwarenta anyos na siya
31.	pango pa si Vilma
32.	kay Amado Pineda ka lang naniniwala pag-ukol sa panahon ang balita
33.	10 piso lang ang pa-gupit
34.	piso lang ang junk food, may libreng laruan pa

ANG TANDA MO NA. ako hindi ko natatandaan yun.

DUCKtionary
maliit na DUCK	panDUCK
tirahan ng maliit na DUCK	panDUCKan
mataas na DUCK	bonDUCK
nagulat na DUCK	nasinDUCK
photogenic na DUCK	koDUCK (Kodak)
malaking DUCK sa ilocos	DUCKil
madaldal na DUCK	maDUCKdak
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na DUCK	DUCK tape
mang-gagamot na DUCK	DUCKtor
musikero na DUCK	conDUCKtor

Use Baguio, Caloocan, Dagupan, Iloilo and Navotas in a sentence.....

Ikaw kabago-baguio mo pa lang dito ang dami mo nang Caloocan Kung Dagupan kaya kita dyan. Eh! di magkanda-Iloilo ka Tignan mo nga 'yang shorts mo Navotas na.

Spell Cute

Spell cute...C-U-T-E. What if I remove the letter U?
'Di puwede dahil hindi na cute yun without You...
Uy, tuwa naman siya, naniwala naman. :-)

Isang Lola hinoldap
LOLA:	Wala akong pera!
HOLDAPER:	Alam ko kung nasan pera mo. (sabay pinasok ang kamay sa bra ni lola)
LOLA:	Tuloy mo pa. Me cheke pa sa baba!

Mag-asawa
Husband:	Lagi mo pala dinadala ang picture ko sa bag mo pag pumapasok ka sa office. Baket?
Wife:	Pag may problema ko, kahit gaano kabigat, nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture mo.
Husband:	Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal mo ko.
Wife:	Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS HIHIGIT PA DITO.

Mag-kumare
Mare 1:	Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2:	Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang ang inasahan ko hindi sana mangyayari yan!

THE WEB ADDICTION SONG
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not listnen'
From my mouth, drool is glistnin'
I'm happy although
my boss let me go
Happily addicted to the Web!

All night long, I sit clicking
Unaware time is ticking
There's a beard on my cheek
Same clothes for a week
Happily addicted to the Web!

Friends come by, they shake me saying "Yo man!"
"Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug I mutter "No man
I just discovered laugh-a-lot dot com."

I don't phone, don't send faxes.
Don't go out, don't pay taxes.
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
Happily addicted to the Web!

*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten.

You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him -
he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist.

After all,it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin' ? PERVERT

I know what you were thinking!

Special Quote

You'll never know who your real friends are 'til you stumble and fall and 'til you feel his/her hand on your shoulder and he/she says:

"ayan, tatanga-tanga ka kasi! sabi na nga ba!"

"The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you love that you had loved them.
So to truly appreciate and love someone, realize that they won't be with you forever ... but then again ..

"Babalik din yun, di naman ako matitiis nung hayup na yun!"

Copyright

Some of the Jokes was a forward Email from a friend and from the Internet. If there's any problem because of the Copyright, please send me an email and I delete it as quickly as I can.

Source

Forward Email from a Friend

Internet